Are you unsure of the consequences?

 

10 Things to Consider When Entering an Intercultural Relationship

1. Consider his/her parents.
I know you're thinking to yourself, "It’s too soon to think about that, we're having a great time just being young and in like/love!" Oh really? Because the faster things get serious, the sooner YOU will have to meet the parents. Now, this may not be the most challenging part of your specific relationship, depending on the culture from which your significant other comes, but it will most surely be a challenge.

 2. Consider the potential endurance of your relationship.

Many people think this is an unnecessary thing to consider when you first get into a relationship, but like I said above, if you think about the big picture, the sooner you consider these types of issues, the better it will be for your relationship. How long do you see yourself staying with this person? Is he moving away? Are you? Do you see your particular chemistry as fizzling out very quickly, or with the potential to endure?

3. Consider your personal relationship goals.

Are you the type of person that only enters a relationship if they see potential for marriage? Because if so, you have a difficult job ahead of you, and it's important to remember that every step of the way. If you love someone, regardless of their background and family, well that is beautiful. However, if marriage is what you want, you will have to learn to love that person because of their background and family.

4. Consider his/her feelings and interpretation of the relationship.

You must always remember that you are not the only person in this relationship, and that it does not only affect you. Promising to do that is super easy, but doing it not always. If you are considering marriage and your boyfriend or girlfriend is not, make sure you get on the same page quickly... or you could be getting off the relationship train.


5. Consider the possibility of relocation.

Are things getting heated? Are talks of marriage in the air? The first thing to consider is where you are going to make a home for the rest of your life with this person. A home is a joint effort, a safe place for your future children, and location is everything. If your man or woman is from a far away land, ask them to consider where you met, and if they ask you to move with them? Be honest with your answer. Relocating to another country is a serious thing, and with the expense of travel, and the issue of your future children's education, you don't want to be regretting it for the, well, rest of your life.

6. Consider having the awkward sex talk.

That's not to say consider having it, but rather, what will happen when it does come up. Because it will and for you, as it did for me, it may end in tears and a lot of arguing. Ultimately what will happen if you feel your needs aren't being met. They may have a drastically different idea than you do about the importance of sex. Maybe they think it's not that important, maybe they think it's very important, and maybe they want to wait until marriage. Again, you need to get on the same page either way to avoid any problems with communication.

7. Consider learning the language.

If you already know their language, great! Do they know yours? My ultimate opinion is that it's great for both partners to learn the native language of the other. It opens up a world of possibilities for the relationship (literally!), and in general just allows you to have better communication, which as we all know is super important in any relationship.

8. Consider his friends.

We all know how nerve-wracking it can be to meet someone's friends. You ask yourself all the usual questions. Will they like me? Will we have anything in common? Will I be able to relate with their experiences/problems/relationship with my significant other? This can be especially difficult if they have friends from other cultures too, and more so if they are more active in their culture than your significant other.

9. Consider their religious beliefs.

Some people relate their culture very strongly with their religion. It's really important to remember that for some people, the two are almost inseparable, and that may be WHO your significant other is. Consider that just because you meet them outside of church, or go out drinking or dancing, it doesn't mean that they don't take that part of them with them everywhere they go. At some point you will have to have a chat about what this means for your relationship.

10. Consider not considering all your previous beliefs about their culture.

Finally... there will come a time when you say something that betrays what you used to think, or maybe still do think, about your significant other's culture. Remind them that you may have certain ideas, but that you are open to asking them questions and listening to their version of who they are. Come to each date, meeting, bedroom session, or wherever, ready to talk about anything, and to listen to what they have to say. Make sure to pay close attention so they know that you are open to learning about them, and not being ruled by your own beliefs about who they are. This is the most important thing for your relationship. If you don't get down to who a person is and let go of your own ideas about how their culture defines them, you will never know them well enough to have a real relationship.